I'd Rather Be Wild

and it continues

2012-02-03T14:32:00.000-08:00

"Better was a poor and wise youth than an old and foolish king who no longer knew how to take advice."

Ecclesiastes 4:13

dear oppressed peoples of our world and generation,

keep the faith. don't give up. justice is coming.

source

ready for school, love?

2012-01-03T11:21:00.000-08:00

"But, whether true or false, my opinion is that in the world of knowledge the idea of good appears last of all, and is seen only with an effort; and, when seen, is also inferred to be the universal author of all things beautiful and right, parent of light and of the lord of light in this visible world, and the immediate source of reason and truth in the intellectual; and that this is the power upon which he who would act rationally, either in public or private life must have his eye fixed."

-Book 7 of The Republic, 'Plato's Cave'

Plato

I am now an official student.

Day 1 of Introduction to Philosophy and Sustainable Businesses...

C O M M E N C E!

studying

HILDA

2011-12-08T07:00:00.000-08:00

G I N G E R T I M E

For this series, I tried to stick to pictures of 'real people' to showoff those glorious scarlet locks. However, this little lady was just too cute not to post. So without further ado, the honorary...

HILDA

un - six

This concludes the Gingertime series... for now =)

grey

2011-12-07T00:00:00.000-08:00

G I N G E R T I M E

PART FIVE

un deux trois quatre cinq six

colors

2011-12-05T21:42:00.000-08:00

G I N G E R T I M E

PART FOUR

un deux trois quatre cinq six

P.S. WIZARDING WORLD PICTORAL RECAP TO COME SOON

count-done

2011-12-03T09:00:00.000-08:00

WE'RE ON OUR WAY

T O D A Y.

zero hogsmead butterbeer

.....countdown.....

2011-12-02T12:15:00.000-08:00

....countdown....

2011-12-01T09:00:00.000-08:00

...countdown...

2011-11-30T08:30:00.000-08:00

..countdown..

2011-11-29T09:00:00.000-08:00

.countdown.

2011-11-28T09:00:00.000-08:00

traveling - made easier.

2011-11-27T20:25:00.001-08:00

i love skype

so.

much.

white

2011-11-24T10:00:00.000-08:00

G I N G E R T I M E

PART THREE

un deux trois quatre cinq six sept

Happy Tofurky Day

black

2011-11-20T22:05:00.000-08:00

G I N G E R T I M E

PART TWO

un deux trois quatre

green

2011-11-18T16:06:00.001-08:00

G I N G E R T I M E

PART ONE

un deux trois quatre cinq six sept huit

gingertime

2011-11-16T19:25:00.001-08:00

I.... am a redhead.

When I was little, the little flame up top of my head was a place of deep shame and frustration. I hated being called "carrot top". Once I hit junior high, the hair dying and coloring began. At one point in my high school career, my mom started calling me Calico. I liked that a hell of a lot better than being compared to some horrid, scary, comic fellow. Upon turning 18, something changed. I kind of went through my wild days as a young woman, so by 18 I was already slowing my ways and turning a new leaf. I decided to go back. Back to the days of red.
I am now nearly 25 and still red. It is a much darker red now that I am an adult, very auburn actually... and more brunette when super greasy. However, with red lashes, red eyebrows, and strawberry blond body hair... I am clearly a ginger at heart.

In honor of my genes, I have decided to share a series with you. I have been in LOVE with a website lately who is also in love with redheads like myself. With their inspiration, I now introduce to you all to my new series....

G I N G E R T I M E

stay tuned.

CATS!

2011-11-07T17:04:00.000-08:00

2 things I am happy about:

1. I already have a boyfriend.

2. He loves cats, too.

a beauty . a star

2011-11-02T21:05:00.000-07:00

UMA

It's sad when poor film choices haunt incredible actors. When a resume filled with excellent film after excellent film gets overshadowed by the words literary-challenged screenwriters have written to create shallow, artistically deficient movies, and are then read by wonderful actors for copious amounts of money. This plague infects more actors than not. However, even though this unfortunate circumstance is basically inevitable for every actor at some point in their career, there are some who rise above the norm. Some, whose amazing film choices outweigh the rest, and no matter how many bad romantic comedies they make, their reputation remains virtually unblemished.

Uma Thurman is one of those actors.

From Les Miserables to Pulp Fiction to Gattaca to Batman & Robin to many more, she is a woman who lasts through the generations. It's true to say not all of her choices have been out-of-this-world, but her talent, beauty, and clear intelligence takes her above it all. Not to mention her consistently amazing style. I just can't get enough of my Uma.

Muse

Model

Mother

Philanthropist

Love. {part deux}

2011-10-29T13:34:00.000-07:00

My poor blog.

I was recently moseying around this rarely visited hobby of mine, when I stumbled upon a post I did a while back entitled Love. Love - even now, I totally agreed with it. Usually I write things and within a week, I am changed. I either then totally disagree or dwell upon how stupid I sounded. However, the joy of an online writing-thingy is that it's there. The moment has passed. There is no point in deleting it. It's been read.

love.

I was surprised that I felt exactly the same as I did so long ago. So much has changed in just a year + a few months. Yet... was it so long ago? It seems like yesterday.

In that post, I mentioned the lack of experience I have with the whole, 'I'm in love with that person' feeling. Well - perhaps I should say 'the lack of experience I had.' Cause...

...I guess I am in love.

source

A part of me wants to say, 'it happened all of a sudden. One day I was sipping coffee, the next I was in love. '

Something just doesn't feel right about that.

Another part of me wants to say, 'it happened slowly. Over time, experience, blah blah blah..'

...but something just doesn't feel right about that either.

The truth is, I'm just in love. I don't know how else to say it. I feel in love.. I try as hard as I can to act love no matter how I'm feeling... but I guess it just still doesn't feel totally real. Is this what happens when you go years without a kiss? Without someone to hold your hand? Without butterflies for the same person month after month? When you finally have that person, life just starts feeling like you're in the middle of a very longwinded dream? I try to communicate this strangeness to him, but I fear I end up sounding like a nutter. Perhaps it's that I am traveling somewhere new every month for work, perhaps it's the crazed, maniacal disease taking over my dad's brain [or rather, my entire family], perhaps it's this amazing person who seems to really love me for some reason I haven't quite figured out yet... but my life just doesn't seem real at the moment. I live in a beautiful city that continues to become more golden as fall moves toward winter, that gets more familiar to me by the day, that is so nice and accommodating to a silly vegan like myself, and has art, music, and nature comin out the ying yang. I attend an incredible church with a pastor that I see eye to eye with. My family is still in one piece, even if that piece might be chipped in a few places. My roommate and I are doing incredibly, and will be moving to an even more beautiful area of the city this spring. And I am in love. No one's life feels this effortless.

..right?

It's true what I said in that post. I feel content, I feel fulfilled. Yet, these feelings are not completely a product of this relationship. This love is only one type of love. He is not what makes me feel spiritually sound. He is not what makes me feel relationally filled. He is not what rescues me from sadness. He is not the end point for all my passions or pursuits.

However-

he is my challenger spiritually. I can turn to him when I am lonely. He is a comfort, and he pushes me to move toward the things I am afraid to attempt because of failure. He supports and encourages me to continue my life as it was... being focused on friendships, family, service, and work - dreaming of traveling the world, fostering children, owning flower shops, speaking all the languages in existence, and playing the drums - planning my life as I finally decide to go to school.. only now I've got him along for the ride as well.

In the last 7 months I've learned love is not something that just happens to you... it happens as a result of choosing to act. Acting lovingly regardless if you're mad. Choosing to be mature when you initially want to manipulate. Supporting decisions, even if they mean you're left behind for the day [or a week][or a month]. And not just that, but being a system and place of support, advice, and patience.

Oh, and don't it twisted... he's also a total [mostly bearded] stud.

I don't question if I'm in love or how it happened... I just am.

why yes, I'd say she is.

2011-10-27T23:07:00.000-07:00

recently frequently frequented sites.

2011-10-25T16:08:00.000-07:00

society - improbable - redheads - fro design - facebook

peter picked a patch of pumpkins

2011-10-11T15:42:00.000-07:00

It's Seattle. It's rainy. It's cold. It's fall.

It's time for pumpkin patching!

funny looking gourds - animals - food - 'Alice in Pumpkinland' corn mazes - friends - inappropriate behavior - and of course...

PUMPKINS

I <3 October

season __, episode 1.

2011-09-23T22:15:00.000-07:00

p.s. Happy first day of Fall =}

pssst

2011-08-22T16:06:00.000-07:00

It's raining today.

guess what that means?

-------

It's almost fall

!!!!!!!

rain leaves

in case you were wondering

2011-08-17T21:03:00.000-07:00

What not to tell the family you nanny for:

shame.. boatloads of shame.

2011-08-11T13:19:00.000-07:00

I have a secret and horrifying shame that I am not able to keep from you all any longer. I must tell you. I no longer have a choice.

watch

Jersey Shore.

and

love it

Trust me... I'm as horrified as you are.

It all started when I went to hang out at my friends' house [who shall remain nameless.. on account of her possible shame] one fateful night. She's totally in love with the show. We were just hangin out, doin nothin. There was a marathon. I'm pretty go-with-the-flow. You do the math.

This is obviously not something I am proud of. But when that show comes on, there is no stopping me. I don't even have a TV with the ability to play any channels, yet in the privacy of my darkened bedroom I will still quietly scour MTV.com for any indication of a new episode. This is my dirty little secret. I can't get enough of their fascinating lives. The way they live is something so foreign to me, I just can't turn away. How is it that these people, who are my age, are able to live this way? I can barely function drinking to a buzz once a month and going to bed past 10pm; yet they are able to go to the clubs every night and get totally hammered day after day. What?!? These people even have their own language! I find it fascinating that although it is a language all their own, I am strangely able to understand what they are saying. I think that may horrify me the most. I even know their acronyms. I know what 'smush' means. I know what T-Shirt Time is... and I love it every time it happens [Pauly D is flippin hilarious]. I find myself enjoying each character for different reasons, and justifying my disfavor for behaviors they have. I judge these people. People whom I have never met, and never will meet. I even find myself sticking up for them. As if they were my friends. Oh gosh.... did I just admit that? Unbelievable.

If you have never seen this show, I assume you will simply not understand my feelings. If you are of the many who have fallen prey to the addiction that will most likely take hold of you after the first episode you watch, I know I am in good company and you all understand every word. I bring this all to you for one simple reason. I came across this hilarious re-cap of the season premier episode that aired last Thursday night. I so badly wanted to share it with you all since it had me laughing out loud in the Orlando airport as I awaited my flight... but I knew I had to first fill you in on all the scandalous details surrounding my love affair. Now that it is all out in the open, I can share it with you in all its glory:

!Spoiler Alert!

Snooki gets her passport photo taken, so she can go to Europe, "that big country."

Johnston, Rhode Island Pauly D packs his international plug for his blow dryer. "It's going to be like an international panty raid," he announces.

New Egypt, New Jersey Deena gets her passport photo taken, and shows the guy boobs and a little Jersey turnpike. She resolves not to "do sex" with Italian guys until she figures them out.

Vinny hits on himself in the mirror, saying he hopes to learn more Italian and meet a nice girl. Sample phrase: "Come with me because I have a big...."

He's grown what he's calling a "beard," but what looks like a shadow.

Malboro, New Jersey Snooki packs. "Do you think they sell eyelashes in Italy?" she wonders. She says hi to her boyfriend Jionnni, who she's been seeing for six months. She knows he's a little nervous she's going. She shows us her "I love Vinny" underwear. They assure each other that they'll be good.

Manalapan, New Jersey The Situation thinks European girls are more "free spirited." In the barber shop, he says Snooki called him and said she lost weight. "If she lost some pounds, I'll hit it," he says.

Long Island J-Woww takes kick boxing lessons from Roger. She's not worried about staying true to him because she doesn't think they have 6 foot 4 juiceheads with tattoos over there.

Bronx, New York Ronnie thinks he's going to have a fresh start in Italy. His friends promise to kick him in the junk if he gets with Sammi.

Meanwhile, Sammi says she's healed and things will be OK.

The girls meet up at Deena's to fly out together.

Vinny says the first thing he's going to do in Italy is find out the age of consent. Ronnie, Pauly and Mike show up to eat. Vinny's uncle translate "DTF" for them.

Deena greets the girls. Snooki has packed eight bags.

The guys want to get the house before the girls to get the best rooms.

The next day they head to the airport and get on the planes. The guys have a connecting flight in Madrid. The girls go through Dusseldorf, Germany.

The guys land in Florence, but the girls end up in Milan. Snooki's bags are taller than she is. She wonders where she can convert her money to "pesos." J-Woww suffers a tragedy when one bottle of her bronzer explodes in her bag. Deena manages to fall running for the door. Bags fall off all over the place.

Meanwhile, in Florence...

The boys get cabs, but have to get a separate one for Mike's luggage.

The girls get stuck in traffic on a bus.

The guys pull up to a giant house. There are several flights of stairs. It's like a palace inside, with tile floor, balcony, patio with grill, Jacuzzi and statues.

There's a room with three beds, Vinny and Pauly grab it. Ronnie and Mike room together.

The bathroom is the size of a living room and includes a bidet.

The girls finally pull up.

Upstairs, there's lots of hugging. The girls are mad the boys got there first. MTV plays Sammi and Ronnie air kissing hello in slo-mo.

"It's really difficult seeing your ex-boyfriend. Ronnie looks good," she says. They haul bags in a grunting montage.

Deena ends up rooming with Vinny and Pauly. Deena has decided she and Pauly could be smush buddies.

Pauly pours shots of lemoncello. Ronnie toasts with his shirt off, for some reason.

They get ready to head out at midnight. Pauly's hairdryer blows out.

They're all sitting around the living room and Ronnie tries to sit down on a table, which breaks under him in cartoony-fashion.

The cast of "Jersey Shore" is unleashed on Florence. They find a "Ferris Wheel", which is actually a carousel.

At the end of the night, they somehow manage to find the house. Deena announces to Mike that they're among the single ones. He learns that Snooki is not. "I think she's gonna be single out here," he says.

Sammi immediately goes and tells Snooki Mike's reaction to her being single. She makes a face and says it's weird. Ronnie hangs out with his shirt off and drinks by himself.

Snooki asks Sammi if she'd go for him if Ron asked her on a romantic date. From the other room, Ronnie makes a fart noise with his mouth.

In the morning, they try to figure out how to get food and read a map. Snooki and Pauly are the only ones who know how to drive stick.

They get into the car and Snooki nearly runs over a motorcycle.

She doesn't know what the stop signs mean. Someone yells at Pauly for running a red light. The guys lose the girls.

The girls make it back to the house and Snooki argues to go to the gym instead of eating. They're sitting out on the patio when pigeons start dive bombing them.

The guys go to the gym on their own and are greeted by Luigi. "Luigi is like the guido Mr. Miyagi," Vinny explains.

The guys come home and Snooki decides to work out by running the stairs. She starts doing aerobic workouts in the living room. Vinny stands over her in his towel.

Later, they get ready to go out. JWoww keeps blowing out outlets with her curling iron. She ends up in the kitchen. Deena starts straightening her hair and notices the straightener is really hot. She keeps using it and it takes out a giant chunk of her hair.

Meanwhile, on the terrace, Mike whispers to Ronnie that he and Snooki hooked up two or three months ago. He's just finding out that she had a boyfriend.

Mike explains that they hooked up in LA once when they were drunk and then the four or fifth time was recently. Mike says that he thinks he's starting to like her.

Ronnie announces himself "mind boggled." Mike swears him to secrecy.

They get ready to go to a club. Vinny tries to call a cab.

Dena puts on a huge push up bra and gets the guy's attention. Vinny tries to figure out how to say "cabs are hyere" in Italian.

They pile into the cabs and arrive at Otel. The bartender is pouring liquor on a flaming bar. Girls in bikinis are working poles the like strippers. They hit the dance floor.

Mike calls a girl over then gets Vinny to translate.

They do a round of shots and hit the dance floor. Vinny enjoys Single Ronnie.

Mike works his way over to Snooki and over-hugs her and says he loves her. Sammi is a little horrified. Ronnie tells us he hopes Mike doesn't put the moves on Snooki because she's happy with her guy. The gang all watches, powerless to stop him as he hangs on her.

Deena tells Pauly to kiss her and he does, as everybody watches. We see entirely too much of both of their tongues.

And so it begins.

The second episode of the season airs tonight. Get your drinks and foul attitudes ready.

One last note before I end this letter... I am feeling very torn. My bookcases are not only a joy to me, but also place of simple pride in my life. My books are the things I love to look upon the most when entering my cozy living room. They are the gateway into my imagination and the friends who continually bring me glorious escape from the realities of life. Yet I can't help feeling this is true...

!?what to do?!

July 31

2011-07-31T21:02:00.000-07:00

This Never Fails

2011-07-21T07:00:00.000-07:00

to make me laugh.

In honor of my trip to Orlando taking place at the end of this month

I give you...

"Someone's got butterflies."

[source]

this week

2011-07-19T14:08:00.000-07:00

Now Playing:

iTunes DJ

A Clash of Kings

George R. R. Martin

The Hobbit

J. R. R. Tolkien

The End.

2011-07-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

source

update.

2011-07-13T12:29:00.000-07:00

A year is too long.

So is 11 months... yet here I am.

11 months later.

Finally an update

Bon Iver

Bon Iver

[p.s. this album will blow your mind]

His filter is basically non-existent .. our fear very much in existence. Intensified.

If you haven't guessed already, I'm talking about my dad. I've kept silent about his diagnosis, his Alzheimer's, for 11 months. If you have ever asked me how he is doing, you've mostly likely gotten the answer [along with a shoulder shrug and a smile], "The same, only more progressed," and then promptly the subject changes. I do not do this to be evasive or push anyone away. I simply don't know what to say.

I can't tell you all how many people I've met in these 11 months that either work in Alzheimer's research, currently have family members with the diagnosis, or have recently lost someone who did. I even met an amazing person who's mother has Early-Onset right now. What?? She's only a few years older than my dad. It's unbelievable to me. It's time I share this with all of you.

I know I don't often go deep into my relationship with God on my blog. However, I feel that the Spirit has been ever-present in this journey so speaking on this without mentioning.. them [for lack of a better gender-neutral term].. would be impossible.

My experiences with meeting all these people could easily be classified as coincidence. It could be explained away by the idea that I'm just more aware of the disease around me because it is now a part of my life. I know these ideas because they are what I turn to most often. Over-spiritualization is something I run, no sprint, away from. However, can I call myself a Christian and not believe in miracles or God's intervention? I really don't believe I can. The provisions, the encounters, the relationships, the revelations - Christ is present in this. This is not to say it has been easy- that our relationship is great. I have worked the last almost 2 years through anger, pain, confusion, rebellion, discontent, and weakness. I've never been a yeller. I let my actions speak.. and what I've said to God is, "You may be there, you may be trying to help, but I reject you." Sure, there have been moments of joy and closeness, but the over-arching theme in this time has been a breaking down of all sorts.

Don't get it twisted, though. I love God. I try to love God. I believe in God. We are coming out of this with a closeness and deepness I never realized existed. We are coming out of this.

My dad is not.

His memory continues to disintegrate. We are now filling in words in every sentence that we are able to figure out. We no longer correct him on things he gets wrong, we play along to different degrees depending on his mood. We laugh and tell him he's silly when he says inappropriate things. We allow him to not make any sense whatsoever. He can no longer lift heavy things and move them around. He can no longer carry things up and down stairs. He isn't able to comprehend the consequences or cause and effect of actions or choices.

He is still able to remember certain names. He still remembers important family members. He still laughs and cracks jokes. He can still walk. He can still talk. His brain can still tell his body to do things. He can still eat. He can still be excited for things. He is able to see the birth of his first grandchild. He is able to see his own 'baby' in a solid relationship. He is able to connect with and appreciate Nolan. Nolan is able to see my dad still a little bit like his old self. They are able to be friends. He is able to remember Kalie. They are able to be friends. I am still able to be friends with my dad.

1 year and 8 months after the official Early-Onset Alzheimer's diagnosis. It's been hell. We're all still here. We've been allowed to witness miracles. I'm not yet able to say it's all been worth it... but we've still got a ways to go.

san fran.

2011-07-11T10:32:00.000-07:00

virgin airlines new friends good food getting lost great weather long walks plenty of drinks

one great weekend away

it also equals waaay too many photos.

California Bound

2011-07-06T12:33:00.000-07:00

T MINUS

34 hours

30 minutes

until I leave for beautiful San Francisco

source

oh happy summertime days

another one for ya

2011-07-01T11:25:00.000-07:00

Harry Potter: 2

Twilight: 0

first installment

Listen here, Fellas

2011-06-30T11:20:00.000-07:00

Get educated.

Although there are many types...

...some are better than others.

Boys rule and Girls drool

2011-06-28T07:00:00.000-07:00

"Men are better than Women!

Indoors, women are useful - even pleasant. On a mountain they are something of a drag. So don't go hauling them up a cliff just to show off your ..."

This is a real advertisement.

There are many instances during the week that make me simply cringe. Seeing this advertisement was one of those moments; but let me make one thing clear before I continue - I do not consider myself a feminist. I do, however, consider myself actively passionate about gender equality in all aspects of life, society, and culture. It is time for us to leave our out-dated, media-based [and often times misunderstood religion-based] views of gender and gender roles behind us.

Are men and women different?

Yes.

Is one better than the other?

NO.

I heard a recent radio program featuring Ravi Zacharias. He quoted the Bible in a very interesting way. In focusing on Proverbs 22: 6, which states

"Train up a child in the way he should go;

even when he is old he will not depart from it,"

ESV

he brought to light the idea that with the original Hebrew script, a more accurate translation could say,

"Train up a child in the way he should go;

even when he is old it will not depart from him."

Those are two very different ideas [I have many ideas and tangents I could go on about this statement, but I will keep to the topic at hand as best I can].

My point in bringing this up is to explain why I always try to understand where people are coming from. Everyone is raised with a particular set of understandings ingrained in them. Even with this in mind, it is so annoying to me when people use excuses for unjustified views. Although one's feelings are always valid, they are not always justified or correct - myself included. This kind of goes back to the post I recently did about why I started becoming more aware of my food and where it comes from. I mentioned that I believe when you know better, you do better. You may not have been raised with a particular belief or understanding, but rejecting new ideas simply because they make you uncomfortable is wrong. It is extremely important to be discerning and judgmental about all the different views in the world, but just because something goes against what you have been told to believe, as an adolescent or an adult, doesn't make it invalid.

Many people are raised to believe certain things about women.

It could be that women shouldn't be allowed to drive. Women should not show anything to the public other than their eyes so as to protect them. Women should not be allowed to vote. There is no point in educating a woman. Women aren't capable of being a CEO. If a woman is raped, it's probably because of how she dressed or acted. Women don't need to be paid as much as men. Because of their menstrual cycles, women are often times irrational and emotional; and because of that are weaker physically, emotionally, and intellectually. Because of cultural allowances [or rather, restrictions] thousands of years ago, women are not able to lead a church body. Women are spiritually inferior to men. God does not reveal things to women in the same way things are revealed to men, if at all. Women belong in the kitchen. Women are objects. Women hate sex. Women should not enjoy sex. A woman who loves sex is a slut. Women are fragile. Women are incapable of defending themselves. An independent women does not desire to be protected and/or taken care of in any way. A women who decides to work instead of being a full-time mother is wrong, if not a sin. A women who decides to care for her home and children full-time is weak and over-powered by her husband. A husband and wife cannot always compromise within a marriage, if they cannot agree on something, the ultimate decision always has to go to the man.

These are FALSE.

I am a Christian. I follow Christ's life and use it as example. I follow what the Bible says from beginning to end; I follow the rules and ideas that are consistent from beginning to end without change, and I analyze the rules and ideas that change and morph through time and culture. In this Word, I am told that I am created in the image of my God. Men are also created in the image of God. Both. Equally. We may be biologically different, but we both have equal share in God's being... whatever that may be. I do not wish to be above a man. I may struggle [as God warned them in Genesis would happen] from time to time with a desire to one up men, or prove that I am stronger or better, but this is not right. This is wrong on every level. It is not reflective of human justice or love. What is right, however, is equality. It was wrong for men to address women in public, yet Jesus spoke to that woman at the well. He did not shy away from progression of culture just because it would shake things up. Some of his closest friends were women. He showed them equality. Love. Compassion. He listened to them. He accepted them. For those of you who think Paul was a woman hater... some of his closest friends were women.. not to mention the first leaders in the church in Philipi.

We are about to celebrate the freedom of America on July fourth.

Experience the freedom of understanding more of who you are and why you believe what you believe.

a look back

2011-06-26T07:00:00.000-07:00

Ever since it's article in the NY Times last year, I have stored these magical photos in a humble file on my computer's desktop. It's time to bring them to you in all their glory.

This woman is a glorious magician in the most ethereal ways.

Read the whole article... it brings it all to life

get your snacks ready

2011-06-24T00:00:00.000-07:00

movie theater snacks won't do justice

days

plan accordingly.

pottermore revealed

2011-06-23T09:26:00.000-07:00

It's Time

how the hell do I follow the owl

?!?!

What Owl

I'm sorry to say.. if I figure it out..

I'm not telling =)

hey, cutie

2011-06-20T07:00:00.000-07:00

I found this on Pinterest last year and I still can't get enough of it....

AH!

The cuteness hurts.

the owls are gathering

2011-06-17T08:49:00.000-07:00

Ummm....

HAVE

YOU

HEARD

?!?!?

click me.

click me, second.

click me too.

[not official counter.. just a fun teaser photo!]

POTTERMORE

busy bee

2011-06-16T22:25:00.000-07:00

If you're anything like Nolan [who is currently working his bum off in hot & humid Houston, TX], you'll relate to this:

Good luck, my man!

stay strong, everyone

You're still talkin, Charley Harper

2011-06-14T10:56:00.000-07:00

owls

Charley Harper

yesssssssssssssssssssssss

i love VANcouver, bc

2011-06-13T13:48:00.000-07:00

What is better than a mini vacation with amazing company, in a beautiful city, full of surprises, old movies, walking miles, barefoot, breakfast in bed, getting lost, climbing trees, delicious food, and enjoying free rides on the subway?

nothing. That's what.

Harry and Friends

2011-06-09T00:00:00.000-07:00

until

the very end

time turner quidditch friends ron+hermione death masks

Like OMG... Where do you get your protein???

2011-06-06T17:15:00.000-07:00

I am vegetarian.

Lately, I must confess, I had begun to forget why I had chosen 'vegetarianism' and not 'pescetarianism'. Don't you worry little fishies... I have remembered. I will return to my days past of only ordering the vegetarian rolls at my favorite sushi restaurants. But that is not why I am writing you all today.

First off, I will address the question above, just to get it out of the way. I get my protein from:

Quinoa [18g]

Kidney Beans [13.5g]

Soy Beans [28.6g]

Broccoli [19g]

Garbanzo Beans [14.5]

Lentils [17.8g]

Black Beans [15.2]

Pumpkin Seeds [38g]

Lettuce

Barley

Sweet Potato

Mushrooms

Brown Rice

Avocado

Tofu

White Beans

Tempeh

Various types of Squash

Various Nuts

Spinach

Meat Substitutes

....to name just a few.

Now that it's clear that I am not protein-deficient,we can move on.

I've been slowly changing my lifestyle since 2007. It began with eating more consciously.. choosing meat and eggs from reputable farmers and distributers, reading more research on the topic - to now, in TwentyEleven, eating no meat, not purchasing dairy with my groceries, using as natural products as I can on my body, limiting my dairy and gluten intake all around, being more conscious about the order and combination of which I eat my food, and now becoming more aware of the companies from which I purchase other products [paper towels, shampoo, makeup, etc].

Why did I begin this change, you ask?

"And God blessed them. And God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that movies on the earth.' And God said, 'Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of all the earth and every tree

with seed in its fruit. You shall have them for food'... And it was so."

Genesis 1:28-30

do·min·ion

the power or right of governing and controlling

I am a nanny. The parents of the children in my care have given me the honor and duty to care for and 'control' or 'govern' their children. In this, I assume, they are giving me this responsibility because they are afraid that, without someone watching over their children or guiding them, they could fall into trouble. They could hurt themselves, or be vulnerable to someone or something hurting them. These parents have asked me to 'exercise a directing or restraining influence' over their child so as to care for them. Be responsible for them. To keep them from harm and to allow them to live lives as children should live. In the passage quoted above from the English Standard Version of the Holy Bible, God placed humans over the earth. To be responsible for the earth. To care for His creations. Are the major [and most minor] companies who process animal products using proper methods for caring for and showing responsibility over the animals in our world? No.

"You shall not muzzle an ox when it is treading out the grain."

Dueteronomy 25:4

This was God's instruction to His people. If you are breaking down your grains to make food for your family, and often times to sell it and therefore make a salary, would you want it eaten by the ox used to crush it down? Of course not! And neither did they. However, that ox is working very hard, all day long. He gets tired and hungry and he needs nourishment. Would you not consider it injustice for a person to work hard all day long, only to be starved? Of course you would... as does God. He cares for His creations; humans, plants, animals, rocks, seeds, oceans, everything. He takes the care and safety of His creations very seriously. So much so, He created rules on how to do it. He considered it a sacrifice worth making for His people to allow their oxen to eat from their grains.

So, to answer the question above "Why did I begin this change?" It is as simple as those 2 verses.

As Maya Angelou says, "Now that I know better, I do better". Research is very important. Become aware of the problems polluting the food industry of this world. I finally watched The Cove last night, a documentary about the dolphin industry in Japan [if you haven't seen it, please do. It's on Netflix Instant Watch]. This is not just a US problem, my friends. We need to change our hearts and minds to how God has intended them to work since the dawn of creation.

I rarely rant on to you all about my feelings concerning God. This, however, is a serious issue. And He has made His feelings very clear. No matter who or what you serve, I have a hard time believe you could disagree. This is not just an issue for Christians [although really... ya'll should seriously consider His words], this is an issue for everyone.

Please get informed. There are so many resources now available to the public. If reading is not your thing, there are countless documentaries to be viewed. I'm not asking you to become a vegetarian or vegan. I'm only asking that you become aware of your world. If you need help with where to begin, please let me know and I will help get you started.

Here's a freebie - I posted this last year, but perhaps you missed it:

click here

classy class

2011-06-03T15:55:00.000-07:00

ah-Mazing

Wedding

click pictures to enlarge : worth it

gotta love those twenties

i hope you concur

2011-05-25T01:03:00.000-07:00

Thanks, friend =)

This One's For You, Kid

2011-05-24T00:01:00.000-07:00

and by kid, I mean you, Kalie.

Harry Potter: 1

Twilight: 0

picture found here

Platform 9 3/4

2011-05-15T07:00:00.000-07:00

Jump on board the

estimated arrival time:

60 DAYS

See ya, Toxins.

2011-05-10T13:13:00.000-07:00

DAY 2

If you know me, you know my dedication to eating food. I am incredibly dedicated to eating delicious food... and a lot of it. You may also know my dedication to health and continuously challenging my body to be healthier. Don't get me twisted.. I eat a lot of crap. Not to mention I don't have an incredibly healthy relationship with the quantity of delicious delicacies I allow to pass through my lips. Yet I try daily to improve and find new ways to relate. One way I found and tried was a challenging, 10 day fast to clear my body completely of any toxins. Many of you know about this cleanse I am sure.. but for those who don't- please say hello to the

Master Cleanse

Yes. The lemon, maple syrup, cayenne pepper diet. Say what you will about it, but this system rocks. I did at the beginning of the year, and I loved how I felt. In my 'normal' diet, I don't eat meat and I try to stay away from gluten [I am tragically intolerant] and dairy. I still eat at least a little gluten and dairy almost every day, but I tend to use alternatives for the most part. I never count special occasions =). Yet even with that type of diet, I never feel as great as when I am on this cleanse. I feel light, energized, and - after the cravings cease - my desires and intense 'need' for bad food evaporate and I can view food as what it is. Sustainability. I am only on day 2 [this time of 13], but knowing I've successfully completed it before is keeping my mind focused and encouraged. I can do this!

...shut up tummy.. you're not hungry.

you just want sweets.

source

Sloths.

2011-05-08T07:00:00.000-07:00

I found out sloths only have to go to the bathroom

ONCE

a week.

balla

I wish I was a flippin' sloth.

suck it seattle.

2011-05-06T09:46:00.000-07:00

Since Seattle has reverted back to a state of 'Fall', I have taken it upon myself to brighten my day and bring a little spring into my life.

rocks beach ducks hangers balloons

Disturbed

2011-05-02T21:41:00.000-07:00

album of this post:

Devendra Banhart

Rejoicing In The Hands

He's dead.

I was 14 on September 11, 2001. I stared at myself in my full-length mirror, trying my best to soften the new shame of eighth grade with black mascara. In walks my mother with panic written across her face..

"The world trade centers have been struck by airplanes"

I had no idea what she was talking about.

I quickly began to understand.

Terrorism.

War.

Bush.

Hijackers.

Saddam.

Bin Ladden.

For those my age, these were the words of our adolescence.

As I moved out of my adolescence, other words began to flood my senses and take over the vocabulary of my heart and mind.

Grace.

Understanding.

Forgiveness.

Love.

Justice.

Peace.

Jesus Christ.

Today, my heart is burdened. It is heavy with confusion, misunderstanding, and frustration. My emotions float among thoughts of evil social groups, desperate people, and my fellow, often times foolish, Americans. I continue to ponder the words our President eloquently presented us last night. The leader of Al Qaeda was killed. The leader of the largest terrorist group in the world has been assassinated.

Osama Bin Ladden is Dead.

Please don't get it twisted. I am not unhappy he is dead. I was not and never will be anything close to a supporter of any kind of terrorist or terrorism. I do not believe these people are an appropriate depiction of any religion or group of people. I believe Al Qaeda is a horrifying organization and what they stand for is evil and vile on all levels of humanity and social justice. These facts do not change the sadness in my heart.

You may not agree with me, and that is okay, but this man was not always the Bin Ladden we now imagine when we hear that name. He was once a boy. A child. Regardless on your views of nature vs. nurture, as a man, yes, his heart was dark. Yet his pain was as real as the families of the nearly 3000 Americans we lost that fateful day, and the countless other people he mercilessly slaughtered in other acts of terrorism. We have felt and continue to feel the consequences of his hatred. His evil. Yet, we are not alone. He felt it too- I am sure of it. I cannot imagine what it would have been like to live as this man lived. To be raised the way he was raised. To have seen the things he saw. To have felt the conviction to perform the acts he performed. I cannot imagine what things may have happened to him throughout his life to make him the man he became.

I don't consider this death to be a celebration. Am I glad he is gone? Yes. Do I believe this will have a real effect on the eradication of terrorism from the world? No. His death does not bring back the thousands he destroyed. The lives lost. The loved ones gone. His death does not turn back time. His death is not the death of his fellow leaders and followers who continue to plan.

I am disturbed by the response to this death. I cannot celebrate something that brings so much pain to my heart. He was evil. I am glad he is gone. I am glad for people who were directly affected by his life and who are able to sleep a little easier tonight. But.... I claim to be a follower of Christ. Yes, my God is a God of justice. But... this man deserved forgiveness as anyone else does.

Have we forgotten Paul so easily?

Another Day in the Life

2011-04-25T23:30:00.000-07:00

This is me:

This is my roommate:

We have rockin mustaches.

We like to show them off.

I'm the suave one.

She's the heartbreaker.

direction

2011-04-21T14:50:00.000-07:00

As you may well know, I have informed you all a few times [first post, second post] of things I have found to be my favorites. I have left one out.

Meet Joe Wright

~~He's a director~~.

He's my favorite director.

With this information in hand, it won't be surprising to many of you that his first feature-length film was 2005's Pride & Prejudice starring Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfayden [and a whole slew of other incredible actors].

The film is gorgeous. The classical score left me breathless and wondering if it was a fluke how incredibly it fit with the film. Not something unheard of in the art of creating a film, but for someone who considers themselves rather picky when it comes to soundtracks, it spoke volumes.

Regardless of how you felt about casting choices, the abridgment of the story, or the acting - you must admit this film was a masterpiece of beauty and creativity.

Joe's use of tracking shots bring the stories alive in each of his films. They create the desired mood and say all that needs to be said without a word from an actor.

For P&P, it was the ball at Netherfield. For Atonement, his second feature film, it was the beach at Dunkirk.

For this project, he brought Keira back [a pattern you will undoubtably notice] and added James McAvoy and a little-known Saoirse Ronan to play the younger Briony Tallis.

After seeing this film, it was clear the soundtrack awesome-ness from Pride & Prejudice was no fluke. Joe Wright clearly knows his way around a killer playlist. From the rhythms to the to the sound-bytes themselves, he collaborates with the best to produce a sound so instinctive and original you can't help but become lost in. Paired with the music, the cinematography and emotional shots created a world of fantasy your eyes and ears could feast on.

Although I only watched this film once, it has stayed with me since - and I'm sure a wild wind will come upon me one day to see it a second time. It is completely tragic, wildly depressing, and hauntingly relatable.

His latest venture, and forth feature film, was recently released.

H A N N A

My mind has been pondering over this theatrical masterpiece. Do I finally have a favorite movie? Has a single film outranked all the rest? Is this possible?

it just may be

If I thought the soundtracks of his first two films were amazing... this last work of art is quite un-believable. The Chemical Brothers brought something to this film that I have never experienced before. In a great article that can be found here [thanks for the heads-up, Nolan =)], Joe talks about the process of scoring this film.

"..the synthesized score we used in HANNA really sprang from the sounds that surround us every day, so there was no division between the sound effects and the music; they were kind of the same thing - music being the organization of sound."

All you have to do is watch one of the fight scenes and you realize this statement couldn't be more true.

I didn't realize the inadequacy of every fight scene I've ever watched until I saw this movie [yes, even you, Matrix]. Although many have been beautiful pieces of choreography and timing, some have even been realistic [ie Fight Club], none have ever been this shocking. This true. This good. I could literally feel the weight behind each punch and blow to the head. It was all these things, yet not grotesque. At the risk of sounding barbaric, it was completely life-like, yet beautiful.

Saoirse returned with a vengeance in this out-of-control project. Her intense beauty and almost child-like, fascinated eyes created a heartfelt and easy performance.

With a confident, yet humble air, Joe Wright managed to effortlessly combine humor, action, beauty, adventure, love, understanding, longing, and heartbreak in one fantastical movie.

One of the most intriguing and wonderful parts of this script is the relationship between Hanna and Sophie. Jessica Barden, who plays Sophie, is someone I hope Joe took a liking to. She was hilarious, spot-on, and honest. I will definitely be quoting her on a regular basis from now on.

So...

what's next for a one Mr. Joe Wright?

If you can read Russian, you have read correctly. None other than one of my favorite novels; none other than the inspiration behind the name if this here blog; none other than the book who holds my favorite literary quote; none other than...

Anna Karenina

Holy crap!

I can. Not. Wait.

Thanks for being so awesome, Joe.

My Newest Obsession[s]

2011-04-16T07:00:00.000-07:00

Reason #4 why I'm glad I moved back to the Northwest:

good bands and great dates

I told you all I would keep you up to date on the new man.. so I figured a name would be helpful. I will be, from this point forward, referring to him as...

drumroll, please

Nolan.

[the namesake being one of his favorite directors]

Anywho.. Monday night "Nolan" took me, along with Kalie and a wonderful friend of his/our new friend, to a concert at The Showbox [let's just pause and reflect on how great he is for treating 3 girls to a very fun night]. What a show it was. The Naked and Famous, Freelance Whales, and Foals blasted the place with musical madness. Well.. I should say, The Naked and Famous and Foals blasted the place with musical madness.

I had never heard of any of these bands before arriving. If you are like me, you have been missing out on some amazing mewsac. We got there a little late after a drink-detour at a great bar under Pike Place [Zig-Zag Cafe.. get the Gypsy], but we figured it was a small sacrifice for not having to stand in an out-of-control line, outside the venue, on a bitter spring evening downtown. We walk in and Nolan's favorite Naked and Famous song is playing. Better timing? I think impossible.

Passive Me Aggressive You

The first band, The Naked and Famous [made up of four dudes and one non-dude], was a welcoming vision upon entering. They were also, apparently, our closest friends; or at least that's how they made us feel. I guess I can't speak for the other three I was with, but the band played like they were treating their loved ones to a special performance and I was the most loved of all. They felt completely comfortable onstage.. as if it was the most natural thing in the world. They effortlessly combined a chill vibe with an electronic [yet original] sound. It was a pretty mind-bending experience. The rough beats and electronic tones, along with Alisa Zayalith's perfect pitch, created a sound that rocked your notions of what 'relaxation' or 'electropop' mean. Then, with a completed set that left us wanting, Freelance Whales entered the room.

Weathervanes

You may remember a post a did a while back on a band called Grouplove. If you do remember it, prepare yourself for round two. As Freelance Whales got their instruments ready and walked on stage, I noticed they all had a mic. The placement of each member gave the audience a quick hype of excitement as we realized every person was contributing vocally, and how amazing that could sound. The operative word being could. The idea of the 5 voices making up this indie rock band coming together, along with their at times random and intriguing instrumental choices, for some out-of-this-world vocal arrangements was thrilling. I wish I could say they delivered.

Our hopes were quickly dashed as we listened to the disjointed rhythms and off-key notes from both the musicians and the instruments they played; they were basically experienced openers at best. I completely agreed with Nolan's desire to have seen Naked and Famous play second instead. The majority of their songs were the kind of 'catchy' that sends nausea to your stomach and the kind of 'amateur' that sends a cringe to your entire upper body.

But as in everything, they weren't without their redemptive qualities. The xylophone player was enthusiastic without being cheesy or fake and the third song they played got my head movin a bit. With a sigh of relief, the energy shifted.

fade to black

light

Foals.

Total Life Forever

Ho.Ly.Crap.

In reality it was more - fade to black. Stay black. Continue to stay nearly black the entire set. In essence, stay completely awesome the entire set. Be Foals.

The hair. The music. The lights. The energy. The drummer. It was the most intense music I could ever fall asleep to. If you are a fan of instrumentals.. you are a fan of this band. Not you would be... you are [you just may not know it yet]. This band is the total package- and not only that, but they continually cross musical barriers. Their sound is effervescent and original with influences from across the board. I find their nod to metal and whispers of classical setups among the funk undertones to be a mixture that brings visions of the enjoyment that floods my senses while I daydream. Don't miss out on this band. If you are lucky enough to see them live, your eyes will barely move from the unbelievable drummer. He is out of control. With perfect timing, enthusiasm, and a cadence that continues to challenge the audience to keep the beat, I am naming him one of the best drummers I have ever seen.

Yes.

2011-04-15T00:04:00.000-07:00

Neville's gonna kick some ass in

9 0

d a y s

Psssst...

2011-04-10T22:18:00.000-07:00

I have a new boyfriend.

Just in time for spring.

and summer.

and trips.

and walks.

and picnics.

and concerts.

and festivals.

He's pretty great.

I'll keep you 'posted'.

100 Days.

2011-04-05T08:44:00.000-07:00

It's about that time again..

They're back in

one

hundred

days

get this poster before it's gone...

fro design co

.joy.

2011-03-30T06:25:00.000-07:00

joy |joi|
a deep feeling or condition of happiness or contentment
The expression or manifestation of such feeling

dogpile girls blue water kitty mugs tag

Spring.

2011-03-28T14:27:00.000-07:00

spring |spri ng |

the season after winter and before summer, in which vegetation begins to appear

Could it really be that my life fits into such a cliche?

That I fall into this unoriginal analogy?

Why yes, it can be.

I am very much experiencing spring at the moment. It's all around me- in this city, in this life. I feel the quiet footsteps moving toward full redemption and warmth.. moving away from a dark winter and a person I had become. A dark person I had remembered vaguely, but whom I never thought I'd see again. I can feel the move toward peace and lightness once more. I say once more, but it's almost as though I am welcoming in something entirely new. A foreign joy that whispers of growth.

new vegetation.

In this time, I also experience a feeling of outside-ed-ness... putting it eloquently. For the first time in a long time, it is less difficult to put me on the back burner and think of others. I am able to spend less time living in selfishness and narcissism. My own conflicts have become less overwhelming. Or perhaps my focus has just shifted. Perhaps I have been brought back to a place of honest perspective. Elation

How are you feeling this spring season? As I am unsure where you all reside, I can only speak of my beautiful Seattle; and let me tell you, it is glorious.

The rest of the world is not.

There have been unbelievable earthquakes, revolts, unrest, hurricanes, tornadoes, violent snow storms, death, destruction, and pain. All within the last few months. How are we to process this information? How are we to understand the unimaginable loss while the sun is shining and trees are 'leafing' all around us? It seems so far away from my life. But its not up to us to think about all the pain happening. To pity those without homes, food, water, warmth, and hope. It is not up to us to put them in our prayers. It is not up to us to do those things alone. It is up to us to act. I was recently having a conversation with a friend and explained my view on a well-known understanding of love. Love is not a feeling. Love is a choice. When you make a commitment to love others, you are making the choice to act lovingly and make choices in their best interest when you don't feel like it. When you feel resistant. When you feel apathetic. When you feel frustration, anger, and resentment. You are to love. I say all this, not because I do this, but because I know I need to. Because it is necessary. I say this because I need to hear it as much as anyone.

Please care.

Red Cross
World Vision
unicef
Salvation Army

tree

My Lament.

2011-03-10T23:53:00.000-08:00

Album of the Post:

Singing Ax

J. Tillman

Lament |ləˈment|:

noun

a passionate expression of grief or sorrow

verb

to mourn [a person's loss or death]

---------------------------

My friends - Hello.

Where do I begin?

I suck at sorrow.

I live in a perpetual state of denial. Lamentation has been a common theme forcing its way into my life lately. No matter how I try to run, it pursues and screams at me until I recognize its presence. It doesn't totally overwhelm me, it doesn't flow from my heart, eyes, and mouth - yet it is there. Pressing itself against my chest, asking me to succumb. Begging me. Tempting me.

It: "Let it out... let it out."

Me: "Go away."

Why do I fear the allowance of pure sorrow and anger? Opening my soul to the idea of complete release? Not even being entirely open and vulnerable with someone, but just with myself? Because it's not just me.. it involves an entirely other entity that I don't want to face. How can I be so excluding to the very Spirit residing in my soul? I can complain to everyone around me, yet I can't bring myself to be real about my circumstances with the One where I am safest. That requires the ability to legitimatize my circumstances. No jokes, no excuses, no justifications. It requires the ability to be honest, truly honest, while keeping perspective. Yikes.

This may be a very random post, elusive and confusing, but it is where I am today. It is the first time I have been able to begin the process of pinpointing my lack of inspiration. My lack of joy. The sorrow I bring to my house. The pain I cause the ones I love the most. The first step in healing.

This is my expression of grief and of sorrow. My first words of hope and redemption.

come soon, spring

My Friend.

2011-01-14T13:00:00.000-08:00

I have a friend.

His name is Michael [known to many, including myself, as Mikey].

This is a picture of him.

He's really great.

and insanely talented.

His band's name is

I know you wish he was your friend too.

photos courtesy of Facebook

Our Meryl

2011-01-13T17:52:00.000-08:00

You may remember my favorite actress being Emma Thompson. Well, little do you know that there is another who nearly ties with that brilliant woman. Meryl Streep is that someone. Brilliant in her own right, an unbelievable chameleon, and not to mention simply fabulous, she becomes every character placed before her. Did I mention she's fabulous?

photo 1, photo 2, photo 4, photo 6, photo 8

Sexy Person

2011-01-06T13:49:00.000-08:00

all I have to say is..

he should have won.

For Your Information

2010-11-09T11:29:00.000-08:00

Today:

Bright Star

Love Leter and Poems of John Keats to Fanny Brawne

John Keats

Dubliners

James Joyce

Not Today:

but in only

days

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Part 1

I don't believe it...

2010-10-09T08:20:00.000-07:00

Now Playing

2010-10-05T11:42:00.000-07:00

Funeral

Arcade Fire

Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell

Susanna Clarke

Three Cups of Tea

Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin

A Few More of My Favorite Things...

2010-10-03T08:00:00.000-07:00

As a continued effort to identify some of my favorite things, here are a few more delightul favorites I have come across!

cake: Red Velvet

coffee: French Press

tea: English Breakfast

beer: Guiness

beard: Full

time of day: Business Time

[and by Business i mean the Business of Relaxing]

chocolate: Dark

velvet, french, tea, guiness, beard, relax, chocolate

For Janay

2010-10-01T23:01:00.000-07:00

Well.. first things first..

Happy

First day of October!!

On to the other stuff -

c o m m u n i c a t i o n

or lack there of.

Must I, yet again, address a particularly long absence? Or shall I just say, I have always been here... and I am here again. Although my fingers may not move across this particular site for a time, it does not mean I am not here, thinking of our lost conversation. Those who meander to this colloquy, whom I literally neglect with my silence, I apologize. Although I will attempt to formally apologize to each of you, I beg for patience. Emerging out of an email, phone, letter, skype, blog, text, facebook hibernation, or perhaps avoidance, can be a difficult process.

What has been the cause of this? Is there ever one cause?

Through many recent conversations with people who refuse to allow me to become a total recluse, I have come to a few realizations.

I need to write more.. for myself

I have allowed myself to sit in selfishness for a very long time

I am discontented with the love in my life... I should be freely loving those around me instead of trying to control how much people love me

I am once again attempting to processes and let go of my controlling tendencies

I love God

I need God

My relationship with God is a struggle

I often turn to frivolous dialogue when major things are going on in my heart because I am unable to properly express myself

I have had an incredibly difficult time sorting through my thoughts to be coherent to myself, let alone anyone I speak with

I have been complaining a lot lately

I am not any worse then I've ever been... I am simply continuing the process of working hard to be a better me in the midst of trials I never dreamed I could handle

My roommate loves me even when I don't see how I am lovable.

I am intelligent

I am very hard on myself

When I am unhappy with myself, I am unhappy with all relationships surrounding and involving me

i l l u m i n a t i o n

These are nothing new. These are not meant to be overwhelming. I am just being vulnerable about where I am at. I realize none of these things can be fixed overnight. Please don't think I will attempt to tackle these things all at once. Please do not even think I am saddened or depressed be them. This is just my life at the moment, and I accept it wholeheartedly. I may be struggling with who God is and what He means to me, but that doesn't mean my Faith is gone. Jesus Christ is my savior. For me, that is enough right now. I may be dealing with difficult things, but I will not let lies seep into my consciousness that tell me all my hard work of moving past my character flaws and obstacles is no longer valid. Instead, I will be reassured that I have dealt with and will probably always deal with the same issues, just to different degrees. As my good friend said [paraphrasing], "It is not that you are worse. It's just that you have never had to face your issues in such intense times." I may question my self-worth, but that does not mean, in the end, I will succumb to the media's attempt to tell me I am worth nothing. I am a beautiful, intelligent, capable woman. I may have sucky parts, but I have wonderful parts as well. I do my job well, and strive to do better for those around me. I will always desire to be better. I will try my hardest to put that into action.

I only hope that those around me have patience to accept me as a broken human. I haven't been very accepting these last few years. I will try to be more for you.

{If you have spoken to me recently, to any degree, you have helped and inspired this post and these feelings. Thank you.}

leaves, tele

get set

2010-09-20T19:11:00.000-07:00

fifty

nine

d a y s

.Joy.

2010-09-17T12:47:00.000-07:00

A quick recap of the highlights from last 2 weeks:
[sorry about picture quality, camera is out of service for the moment]

We had fun..

..adopted a kitty..

introducing... Willow!

[a.k.a. Gypsy Willow Cat]

..had visiters..

..Harry Potter. ..

..rode on a ferry..

..went on walks..

..drank loads of tea..

..explored Seattle..

and so much more =)

ferry, airport, HP, tea, seattle

Home.. Where My Music's Playing

2010-09-01T23:00:00.000-07:00

Album Dedication of the Post:

The Fame Monster

Lady Gaga

[had to be there]

Today's date: September 1, 2010

Time: 11:00pm Pacific

Well, Kalie arrives in 24 hours. 1 DAY. My bit of companionless time is swiftly coming to an end.

Things to prepare for:

Park hopping

Laser show enjoying

K-man entertaining

Harry Potter Exhibition at PSC roaming & Harry Potter 7 watching

Coffee shop finding

Tea drinking

Book store loving

Kitty adopting

Greenlake neighborhood walking

Bike riding

Apartment lounging

Friend hosting [september, october, november.. can't wait to see everyone]

Delicious food eating

Downtown exploring

Marshmallow roasting [thanks to Mom & Dad for supplying a wicked fire pit]

Zoo wandering

Thrift store scouring

Pike Place Market drifting

Pumpkin patch foraging

MAGIC

.... I could go on.

Update

2010-08-28T06:00:00.000-07:00

Album of the Post:

House With No Name

Horse Feathers

It's been a while since I've addressed this.

2 months to be exact.

What a wild two months it has been. For those of you who are unaware, my family has suffered along with millions of people who always lived frugally and responsibly, yet were hit hardest by the recession. The crazy 'coincidences' of life have spelled out h-a-r-d-s-h-i-p for us these past 4 years. Don't get me wrong, we are not alone. We are not unique. We are the current and past and future 'norm'. Knowing all this... let me just say. It still really sucks.

The a in 'hardship' is alzheimer's. If you've wasted any of your time on this blog in the past, you probably already know that.

alz·hei·mer's

a degenerative brain disease of unknown cause.. that results in progressive memory loss, impaired thinking, disorientation, and changes in personality and mood, that lead to advanced cases of a profound decline in cognitive and physical functioning..

In other words, you watch the person deteriorate before your eyes and, especially if it is early-onset, you are left in an incredible emotional and financial state of penury. Everything turns difficult. What you and I see as a simple act of picking up a lightweight chair, becomes an exhausting task that is nearly impossible. First, you have to figure out the best way to hold the chair. Then, you have to hold it so that your legs can still walk unobstructed. After that, you have to be aware of how big you have become and how to navigate your surroundings so you don't bump into something. All the while, your balance has been compromised and your feet now shuffle, so tripping and/or falling become nearly inevitable. After figuring these things out, you have to remember where you are going, and/or figure out the best way to place the chair. Does it go in the living room or near the table? Does the seat face the table or away?

Sentences just continue to get more difficult.

You lose control of yourself and therefore, understandably, desire to control things and people around you, regardless if it makes sense or not.

You worry about other people's view of you.

You worry about your own view of yourself.

You want, so badly, to be able to do the things you have always done.

You try, and more often than not, fail.

You live in a perpetual state of failure.

You look like yourself when you look in the mirror.

You are a stranger when you look inside your own thoughts.

Walking becomes strenuous from trying not to trip.

You wonder when you won't be able to use stairs anymore.

You wonder when you'll start forgetting your friends and your own children's names.

Angst over the state of the family surrounding you consumes your thoughts.

In all of this, there are joys.

Joy's over accomplishments.

Joy's over relationships.

Joy's over excellent conversations.

Joy's over being understood.

Joy's about life.

I feel as though all my updates are basically the same. Unfortunately, I am just not able to eloquently describe the deep decline or the unbelievable miracles during this trial that is our life. Hopefully I have been able to convey one new thing that was previously not fully communicated.

If you are going through something similar, or a trial of any kind, and need someone to talk to... please email me. Ask me questions, vent, say whatever your heart needs to get out. Support, encouragement, and fellow righteous anger is so necessary. Whether it means me, a support group, or a good friend, seek help. It will help in ways completely unexpected.

Love and Peace to you all

Garfield minus Garfield

2010-08-27T10:00:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to fill my day with tasks so it doesn't seem so long until I am in Portland visiting Lauren.

Task #1: Wake up

done

Task #2: Dilly-Dally until I get dressed

done

A Few of my Favorite Things...

2010-08-26T08:36:00.000-07:00

Recently, it was brought to my attention that an idea I found as truth - that I don't have any #1 favorites - was not entirely true. Therefore, I would like to share with you some of the indubitable, absolute favorites I have come to realize always were.

fall flavor: Pumpkin

tree: Weeping Willow

bird: Owl

pastime: Reading

bell pepper: Yellow

young adult book series: Harry Potter

summer sport: Badminton

color: Gray

dog: Husky

guy: Jesus

actress: Emma Thompson

cat: Orange Tabby

weekend radio special: A Prairie Home Companion

starbucks seasonal drink: Pumpkin Spice Frappuccino [duh!]

I'm sure as time goes on, and experiences become memories, I will stumble upon more things I can claim as my ultimate favorite in any certain category. For now, I will have to settle upon not knowing my favorite band or my all-time favorite movie. I will sit and be content with the things I have narrowed down =)

What are your favorites?

sources: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen

God is Green

2010-08-25T14:43:00.000-07:00

source

For all of you who question why I haven't eaten meat in 2 years...

For all of you who eat organically...

For all of you who don't eat organically...

For all of you who think Christians don't care about the earth...

For all of you who are Christian yet don't think we have major responsibility to be mindful of our lifestyle...

For all of you who think the problem is too big and there is nothing you can do...

For all of you who won't shop at Wal Mart...

For all of you who don't know why not to shop at Wal Mart...

For all of you who don't know to live responsibly...

For all of you compost...

For all of you who don't recycle...

For all of you who care so much, yet get a lot of negativity from friends and/or family, and you can't find the words to explain why you care...

For all of you who are overwhelmed by all the information on global warming...

For all of you who love trees...

Listen to this.

Love.

2010-08-22T01:26:00.000-07:00

"I like to start my notes to you as if we're already in the middle of a conversation. I pretend that we're the oldest and dearest friends - as opposed to what we really are, people who don't know each other's names.."

-Kathleen Kelly

You've Got mail

This is exactly how I feel. I feel, as my fingers glide across my Macbook keyboard and as my mind recites each word as it flows across the screen, like I am speaking - well, writing - a continuous conversation that is tragically one-sided. Even so, I can't help but tell you all my deepest, darkest secrets. I just have to tell you the mindless thoughts that randomly shoot around the inside of my skull stumping and inspiring me.

As I sat at my desk chair tonight after a long evening of work, I realized one topic has escaped the many continued conversations we have had. Well, perhaps not totally escaped, but Love has been an elusive friend here that only peeped its head in to chat for a moment or two, then as soon as it appeared, fled. By Love, I mean a specific kind. The affectionate kind. The romantic kind. The.. I am in love with that person.. kind.

Perhaps my lack of recent experience with this kind of Love can be held responsible for its absence. I don't know if you can tell from any of our past chats, but I would definitely consider myself a romantic. I watch the truly passionate movies, read the most compelling love stories and poetry, and daydream like you wouldn't believe - but.. can those things really give someone the wisdom, insight, and inspiration to examine their heart and put to words the Love [or lack their of] in their life? I think it impossible. Even with the experience I have with the topic, going a time without it has an interesting effect on the heart. What is even more interesting, is that I would mention the media I place in front of my psyche.

What have I learned about Love from these things? Well, many things, but one stands front at center at this moment. The biggest message I believe I have received from these stories I so carefully scrutinize and judge is this:

There is no joy, no greatness, no level of contentment, that compares to True Love.

Do I believe this? Intellectually, no. Intellectually I believe there is no such thing as "true love". I believe there are many people who, with commitment and work, could become your soul mate. There is not one person for me. There is a small percentage of men who, with time and mutual experiences, I could fasten my soul to and love deeply. Love unconditionally with an intense passion. I also intellectually believe that there are many things that can fill my heart with the same amount of joy, contentment, and fulfillment as Love can. It wouldn't be the same type of joy, but joy all the same. Fulfillment all the same. Contentment. What things do I speak of, you ask? They are my passions. My pursuits. The people I surround myself with and love in different ways. Interactions I have with strangers. God. These things, if and when I allow them to, bring the ultimate gratification. Husband or not.

Removing my intellectual thought, I believe the message. This is why I am very familiar with the internal struggle many of the women I know find themselves in. Fighting the thought that you need Love to be happy, and then actually being happy despite the absence of it.

So where am I going with this? I have no idea. This is the tragedy of a one-sided conversation. When my mind goes blank, and I find myself at a momentary dead-end thought... I am left to ponder and figure out the end on my own.

Well, at least until I call a friend.

Get Prepared...

2010-08-20T09:41:00.000-07:00

Just thought you all should know there's only...

90 Days!

He's excited

and so am I.

photo

..Oh My Life..

2010-08-18T11:51:00.000-07:00

Album of the Post:

med sud I eyrum vid spilum endalaust

Sigur Ros

What can I say of this past week?

It was great.

My soul has been recharged. My mind has been soothed and calmed. I have received my passions once again with eager spirit. My heart has been captured by the ability for silence in my home.

This week, I put all my books away on their proper shelves and started the best job I believe I've ever had. I spent time contemplating and doing puzzles on my dining table. I enjoyed waking up in my bed, going to my kitchen, and using my mugs. It is so interesting how, when removed from the things you have become accustomed to in your home, you feel out of place. As if you are in a constant state of transition. We have been reunited.. and it feels so good.

I was also reunited with a wonderful friend from Phoenix and, because of this, had my first visitors to my apartment [other than my wonderful family]! While at work at my wonderful new job, I received a welcomed text saying a friend was visiting the city. After 3 lovely evenings of roaming around Seattle, Kirkland, and Redmond, I have successfully caught up with my friend and made a fantastic new one [as he had travelled here with his brother]. The timing of their visit couldn't have been more perfect. Although I feel that this place is officially my home, my true home lies within the spirits of those I love. Speaking of those I love, this fact is the reason why I am so excited that...

there's only 2 more weeks until Kalie gets here!!

Two weeks and my home is complete. Not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. In the meantime, I am cherishing this time of solidarity and intense independence. The weather is starting to cool, the leaves are changing from green to a vivid shade of gold, I am going out of my way to step of the crunchy ones that have already fallen, and I have so many things to look forward to and experience in the present. Fall is my 'favorite' season [don't worry spring, you're technically tied]. This will be a good one.

p.s. my friend who visited is part of an amazing new band. Visit their site here. You will not be disappointed.

Slowly Returning

2010-08-15T10:59:00.000-07:00

"Kind soul! What pleasure you take in helping others. It is this which keeps you young and good and gay. Dear Honorine, I used to pity you at Nice, thinking myself your superior, now I respect and love you more than any woman I have ever known,"

said Rosamond, as the actress turned from the window well content.

"Yes, you have my secret for keeping young and happy. I envy no one, I am free as air, I earn my bread honestly and make sucess sweet by sharing it with the poor. Ah, it is so beautiful to give,"

she answered, with an indescribably expressive gesture of her pretty hands.

A Long Fatal Love Chase

Louisa May Alcott

photo

I'm Ready, I'm Ready, I'm Ready

2010-08-10T07:10:00.000-07:00

Soo.... a few things to bring to your attention today:

1. I'M MOVING! into my new place in the city =) Watch out.

2. There are.... 100 DAYS! till Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 1. Get ready.

3. I am not missing. I've just been doin life - Be back soon.

4. Here is a last bit of Summer, seeing as it is swiftly fleeting this city - Mainly I just really liked this photo and wanted an excuse to share. Actually, no excuse necessary. I like this picture.

thanks